Feeling down, pain inside
16/11/2007
smiles seem to be fading away from my face…
yesterday was suppose to be my Stress-free day after completing most of the assignment.(sumone:"wtf lawrence u still repeat foundatin ar??,why still doing assignment..",me:" yea i am still resitting my foundations…for my frens..becuz frens are important to me,sumone:"oo, i tot u still resit",me:"in your f###ing dreams")…was suppose to be at utar at 3 pm to meet the girl..but unfortunately the bus that i took move slower than usual…so i reached ss2 around 3.15 and then i receive an sms from the girl that i like..i didn’t want her to wait that long for me to pass her the assignment..so i decided to take the cab..halfway out of ss2 was caught in a jam(super DEADLOCK JAM),cars were smelling one anothers ass…so i couldn’t wait and paid the cab and wore on my skates..halfway down the ss2 road,i was going at moderate speed..a car came nearby me..realising that it will hit my skates i quickly jamned on my skates break but i know it wouldn’t work..i even thought of trying the fullstop..even though i know i had no choice cause the damn car was driving nearer..so i was force to do it…(sucesfully dodge the cars tyres but my right skates slips and my right feet went bending outwards,a sharp pain shot through my ankle…wow..its like a knife slicing through my bones,tendon and meat)…i stopped for a while to check my ankle..i tot it was alright to go on so i skate down the slope at 40km/h…and one point..when i start to push my right skates to gain momentum..damn..the pain came back..so i stopped at a house to lookat my anke..it was like a ping pong ball..knowing that i have to reach my uni as fast as possible..i had to get help quick..but my right feet just won’t budge…so i tried to flag down a few passers-by..but they dun seem to care..i was unable to move to the other side of the road..it was just too pain..and it was jammed badly too..and the only way to reach there in time was by a motorcycle..i have to walk about 300m to reach a spot where there were many motorcyclist passing by..no one seems to care when i signal for help..guess i am just silly to skate in ss2 to reach to utar as soon as possible…well..eventually a kind motorcyclist picked me up and sped me to utar..i just can’t seem to find anything to thank that chinese guy..he don’t even want to acept my cash reward(may God bless him his entire life)…
17/11/2007
went to utar today to help out sumone…she adviced me to stay at home becuz she knew my leg wouldn’t get better if i keep walkin around..but i didn’t listen to her..because i know she and her group may need help….actually i was feeling down since yesterday because of something i would not state here..that pain in my heart is just bringing my mood down bad..usually whenever i see her..i would be happy…but now…whenever i see her i just feel sad(its not that i dun like her,i really like her)…i always think that she doesn’t like me…yep and my mood just plunge down to bad…i would just sit quietly in my room..and dun talk to my mom like i used too…i just dun feel normal anymore..maybe i am scared to lose her….but whenever i feel down, i always to tell myself at least i should try and make her happy..then it will be alright..sometimes i think that i am not important to her…i dunno what am i thinking..my mind is going haywire..can’t seem to focus on hacking..i just keep thinking of her…I want to be my past who used to have the determination to move on no matter what happens..but its fading away…but i know sumehow..i will get it back…as long as i recover from love sick…hope so..i dun want people to look down on me again.
Today,during lunch i and my frens went to section 14 to take our lunch..everything went well..until one of my friends lost his wallet in the bus when he was coming back..when he notice that he lost his wallet he started chasing the bus…i know it was a bad idea to run after taking meals…so i was worried about him too..my another fren then followed him…i really wanted to follow too..but i was walking really slow so i decided to wait in the uni…while my another friend kok hee..was busy finding the wallet elsewhere(seeing kok hee finding yi gang wallet, made me think that kok hee was not just a guy with good grades,or a proud person..he actually cares about his friends..that made me smile..hoping that he will find back his wallet)..but unfortunately he came back with a tired face…but my another friend who lost his wallet..came back crying…i was shocked to see him cry..he use to be cheerful and playful but a wallet made him cry..i was a little worried and then wondered why would he be crying over a wallet…i then asked him and he told me that he was not really crying over the wallet but how careless and useless he felt..i felt sad for him too..because i was like him when i was in primary i used to cry behind the canteen no one watches me…i used to be in the second last in grades..becuz i was too playfu(fark)…but i am more different than him..he was smarter and hardworking…well i am the opposite=.= . when he stopped crying we went for a walk near the library..i was glad to see his smile come back before i went home…i hate to see my friends go sad especially my best friends…
when i went home,i became mody again…also have problems uploading the assignment..I JUST DUN UNDERSTAND WAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THAT HOSTING WEBSITE!!..spend 2 hours adey….haiz..stilldoing currently…today my mom was the plates for me after dinner..i think she noticed that my mood was down..and then she gave me a smile..i was cheered up a bit to have sucha caring mummy..=)
