MY DAILY BLOG

Dear bloggy,

My health seems to be improving but emotionally its still the same. well, today i did lots of work..walking around the company complex scanning computers for a virus. will post a screenshot of that letter here. The matter was urgent, many computers were affected… me and my colleague saw the effects of the virus, working through the company’s system, we were aware, we even reported, but just because we are trainees..i dun think they listen. One computer can take up to 1 and a half hour of my being alone time. Following company policy and rules just to scan a computer sux…. it limits ur knowledge….

*staff* :”must do this, dun use that….”

*me*: ” but this is better….seriously…”

*staff* ” what to do….just follow”

My father lectured me few days ago, because i called my bro in russia using phone……my mistake, i waste money when i even have the internet to use to call him( i wun elaborate on this)…. father said i dun have to care so much about people’s feeling, keep to my principles…the lecture was normal until it suddenly came to this when i was saying that i call back to show kor kor that i care.

father: ” Kor kor knows what he is doing”

father: “YOU DOn’t need to care so much about peoples feeling,…u think people

in this world care about your feelings?”

me:” no”(no one actually…….no one)

father: ” u should care abt urself…keep to ur principles…dun care abt peoples

feelings….think bout urself first”

me: ” sure i will from now on” ( i think my father has been in m situation b4,   i

care too much about people…what people do or say leaves a great impact

on me, i am a soft person internally…..i just really hate this world a lot

sometimes not my friends…. the people nowadays)

I have been forcing myself to change this few days after that lecture, i find it if like i am too friendly to a person, a person steps over my head, if i smile..i look like an idiot, if i talk too much…i am a nuisance to them,………… i hate being myself….i want to be what the society made me into what i am going to be… just like a mirror…i do what you do. I am like a clown to friends, clowns make people happy but sometimes they feel sad, that clown hires another clown to make himself happy? neh…..he sits alone, thinking how foolish he is….but he always forgets how foolish he is when he sees a person’s smile on their face…..because that smile means a lot to him. True happiness.

Dear bloggy,

so bloggy, u like the new background i gave you? =) I love nature a lot…could be going to visit mother jungle tomorrow.

Well..the blood test for the dengue came back negative but the doctor said i have a serious infection. And yes it is…now my throat no more infection..its below my trakea(near my lungs)..it burn someties and it feels uncomfortable… haiz…looks like my health is detorating even though i take daily supplements, neem tablets, spirulina,..etc. My mom bought me all this pills, she spends a lot just on these pills… a good mom indeed. Mom was angry with me today, most of the time she forgets simple thing..so i jokingly says “december i bring you go brain scan”, i din know that would spark her anger and hurt her..she tought that I treat her like an old woman…she say i wun care about her after she old…i really feel hurt and angry…so i just kept quiet..if she say like that, why would i still care for grandma? WHY??!!!!! I know my attitude sometimes piss m mom off, but i know my sorries doesn’t mean anything to her. Suffering from other personal problems + this problem is total………………………. sadness.
Oh ya bloggy, sorry for the bad first…now comes the good part, this week…we get to go in the PABX room in the data center(big big big server room), get to patch phonelines…kinda fun. I think Maybank team is having some problems too…could be some serious malware…i tried to solve it..but can’t…even tried to play with the registry.
This seems to my temporary antidode for my sadness

www.trancefm.co.uk

oh ya…bloggy..amazingly she said “hi” to me yesterday..felt happy to chat with her.

Dear sweet bloggy,

aaahhhhh….. mosquitoes why?! why?! i haven’t killed any of your family members for almost 4 months already, but u just broke the PEACE contract. Got bitten yesterday, and now have all the symptoms of dengue, fever, metallic taste when swallow, abdominal pain……………. going for blood test tomorrow. I HATE HOSPITALS. I DUN WANA GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! haiz….my body is weak now…dunno why…haven tell parents yet, dun wan them waste money send me go stupid hospital……better drink more water. Going to sleep my dear blog..kinda tired. Nite